The Voice of Truth

This blog is kinda late.

When I first began posting about the things God has been revealing to me this year, He laid it upon my heart to write on a monthly basis. I’ve done pretty well so far, but as the Queen of Procrastination, I find myself behind once again. I have an excuse, though. To wrap up this year of personal transformation, I have decided to dive headfirst into a group bible study with about ten other women. Just so you know, I haven’t been in a structured bible study since I was in college, and even then, my attentions were divided between my boyfriend at the time, school, work, and shopping. (Hey, don’t judge. We all had more money before we got married, right?)

In college, I was a fairly new believer and in a very different place in my spiritual maturity. Ten years later, God has brought me through so many ups and downs—blessings as well as challenges—that I am simply aching to understand Him more. One thing I have always struggled with is discerning His voice from the Enemy. I really long to know His truth and be able to cling to it in every area of my life. Well lo and behold, the name of our bible study is Discerning the Voice of God, by Priscilla Shirer. I cracked the book on November 1^st, and seriously…ever since, God has been BLOWING MY MIND with His truth. There is no way to describe the study’s effect on me other than simply overwhelming. I walked into this expecting to read and learn the Word more. I walked into it expecting clarification on issues in my life. I was expecting to find new friends to talk to and pray with on this journey to know Him more.

What I was not expecting was for Him to speak so loudly to me that I was driven to my knees, face down in complete, speechless surrender. But He did.

Usually when I think of God, I imagine a great and mighty King; a holy, omniscient, omnipresent, all-powerful Father who is just and merciful towards His children. He is indeed all of those things. But my simple willingness this month to dig in and learn a little more about His character has caused Him to burst open the floodgates, and I’m beginning to realize that there is so much more to our God than I ever thought. One of His greatest desires is to make Himself known to us on an entirely personal level and lead us into a more intimate relationship with Him. Throughout his Word He demonstrates His desire to have a friendship with us. He is not as much interested in us reaching our destination as He is in the knowledge of Him we gain while we are on the journey. He wants us to know Him. 

He wants me to know Him.

With these new revelations, I have really been learning how to hear His voice when He speaks. Since I’ve been aggressively listening, His will for some areas of my life have become clearer, and then there are others where I still patiently await answers. Nevertheless, His truth has been so evident throughout the past month that it seems like it would be impossible for me to miss it again.

Unfortunately, I still do.

Recently I was asked to sing a particular song for a Christmas service at our church, and upon first hearing it, I was worried it may be out of my vocal range. To try and get a better idea of what it should sound like, I listened to other vocalists perform it on Youtube, only to find that they performed it even higher than the recording I had. Immediately, I felt like I was the wrong person for the job. I was convinced someone else should do it. Anyone. I didn’t care who, I just knew that it couldn’t be me, because I wasn’t good enough. I told my friends I felt incapable. They said it sounded great at practice. I asked several others if they might sing it instead. They said no. I begged God to take away my nervousness. It was still there. I prayed for Him to find someone else to do this. He didn’t.

For three weeks I fretted over it. I practiced, and each time I sang it I became more convinced that I simply could not do it. I started to become angry at God, and I couldn’t understand why He would set me up like this so that I would fail and be humiliated. By the night before, any closeness I had developed towards God through my new bible study was gone. I felt so hopeless that I couldn’t sleep, so I wandered over to my computer at 3 a.m. and turned on Facebook. A friend’s recent post caught my eye. He had prepared a sermon for his church service the following day, but had been ill and lost his voice. He desperately wanted to get the message out to his congregation, and was asking for prayers for strength and recovery so that he could speak. A friend responded to this by saying, "You will be exactly what He wants you to be because you are being obedient and bringing the message to those who need it. Prayers have already been said and the victory is HIS. You can't stop that...voice or no voice."

Que the floodgates of truth, again.

Isaiah 54:4 says, “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.”

Philippians 2:5 reminds me to have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had: “Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross.”

In other words, He made Himself no reputation. What the heck am I worried about reputation for?

That morning, I offered up the words of condemnation that were in my mind to God in prayer once I recognized they were not from Him. I decided to accept that I am not perfect. I offered up to God what gifts He has given me, and asked Him to bless them and use them for His glory. It was then that I finally felt peace and the freedom to worship, without worrying about what people thought. I sang more confident that morning than I had ever practiced it. Glory to God in the Highest!

Being closer to God as a result of this bible study has been an immeasurable blessing. But I am reminded by all this that the closer we get to Him, the more Satan lashes out and tries to condemn. God’s truth is loving, patient, kind, protective, hopeful, persevering, and unfailing. The Enemy’s voice says the opposite of all these things! He loves to cause doubtfulness and angst, whereas Jesus encourages and reminds us that we can do all things through Him who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13). It doesn’t matter whether or not we’re perfect, we just have to be willing. During this Christmas season, don't be afraid to step out and serve somewhere. You are good enough. Listen to His voice within the depths of your soul, and believe Him. His word holds true, and everything He does is worthy of our trust!

 
P.S.- When doubting your abilities or what God has given you, it always helps to watch Jessica's Daily Affirmation. :-)