Mark C: For the same reason why if the insurgent was one degree to the left he would have hit my tent...instead he hit the other tent. We both have something else we need to do. Somebody to influence. Somebody to be influenced by. Everything you have done up until this point was for a reason. Every person you have met is a piece of the puzzle of your life that will make up the big picture of the purpose God wants you to fulfill.
In light of all the recent tragic news and events, a good friend of mine reminded me of this. And I really needed to hear it. The past few weeks have held enough tension, destruction, death and grief to send me into a panic attack, which is one problem I can honestly say I’ve never had to deal with before. That is, until now.
Normally if I’m freaking out, I might drop to my knees in prayer, write it out in my journal or talk to a friend to try and make sense of the emotional chaos. None of that helped. So many people in immediate need…yet I am only one person. Prayer just doesn’t seem like enough. Nothing I can do is enough. Then when the news of Bin Laden’s death hit the world, I felt overwhelmed with the strangest mixture of relief, satisfaction, grief, and then ultimately, FEAR. Fear for my family, for our country, for our military. Lots and lots of fear, which drove me to wallowing to the point where my husband was begging me to simply tell him what will bring me out of this funk and he would make it happen. Unfortunately, nothing. I just needed to wallow it out. Fortunately however, God has granted me a perspective that I didn’t quite have before. I may not be able to pull a Superman (or Supergirl) and turn back the clock to save all those people, and I may only have so much time to volunteer and so much money to give. But a little something in me has changed. As I go about my daily routines, I have gained a bit more awareness for, well, life. And the fact that I still have one. And as I embrace it more, I’m realizing that I really want to live it differently than I have been.
At the end of my last post, I reverberated my goal to actually be “all in” for Jesus this year. I’ve been longing to really experience His presence in all of the areas of my life for a change, and have surrendered a few things just knowing that I would receive abundant blessings as a result. And granted I have seen a considerable difference. The opportunities alone that He’s been giving me to glorify Him and share with others has been pretty crazy, and they have caused me to step out in ways that would have terrified me just one year ago. I have come to expect more clarity and confidence in my future as well as the future of my family as I put more trust in Him. Staying consistent with my devotional times and limiting my distractions has brought about more intimacy in my relationship with Him. Patience is still a hard one. Lord knows you don’t want to be anywhere around me if my kid accidentally misses the toilet, or even worse, if I’m battling it out in a boss fight in Final Fantasy 13. It’s worse than an Auburn vs. Alabama football game. Yeah…still working on patience, but it’s getting better.
All that being said, what I didn’t expect was for God to reveal some very interesting things to me about myself that I didn’t necessarily want to know. And let me tell you, there is absolutely no one in this world who can deliver the unconditionally loving—yet brutal—truth to you better than your spouse. This morning, I thought about maybe writing this blog on issues I felt like I may be having with pride. So I asked my wonderful husband if he thought that I came across as a prideful person. His response?
“Not really. You tend to be more self-centered than prideful.”
Ouch.
After I “lovingly” asked him if there were any other flaws he would like to bring to my attention, I fumed all the way to work over his response. And then the light came on.
This week I have been challenged with a situation at work that is requiring me to lay down all of my pride about my workspace. We are moving into a new building in several months which has caused nothing short of a chaotic frenzy as we try and squish four people and most of their office contents into a 20X30 foot space. Challenge is really an understatement. When I realized how messy my world was about to get and how much space I was about to lose, I panicked. I decided to try and reason with my boss to get the space I needed, which only made her feel as though I was defying her position of authority, which only made me mad that she seemed more concerned about being authoritative than being logical. At that point, all reason was out the window, and it became a sheer battle of wills.
Self-centered.
My needs. My stuff. My space. Me, me, me….right? WRONG! So dead wrong.
One of my recent devotionals has “miraculously” spoken to me in light of this issue. 1 Peter 2:13-17 says:
“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent to him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.”
“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent to him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.”
1 Peter 5:5 calls for us to “clothe ourselves with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Well look at that. Ouch again.
Once again, God has presented me with a nice slap-in-the-face style of growth opportunity. It was so easy to view this situation as unfair and complain about it—which I did—instead of letting go and leaving my cares in His able hands. As I was busy trying to reason and make things go according to my will, God was busy transforming me in yet another area that needed some serious work. While I was deifying my desires, He was leading me in a totally different direction. Too bad it took several days and lots of griping for me to finally see it.
My husband has a pretty cool response to questions about why things are happening that we don’t understand: “There is one almighty God and Father, and I am not Him.” Straight and to the point. His thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways. I may not get what’s going on and I may not always like it, but bottom line is I’ve got to trust Him anyway. This week has shown me that once I truly let go and just let Him take the reins, everything else fades into the background. He is so desperately longing to unclutter my mind and occupy my consciousness, if I would only let Him. Every challenge is a hand-tailored blessing designed for my benefit and growth. It's simply one more step in the direction of living differently. I will choose to let Him guide me step by step and stay close to Him—on the path of peace!
My husband has a pretty cool response to questions about why things are happening that we don’t understand: “There is one almighty God and Father, and I am not Him.” Straight and to the point. His thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways. I may not get what’s going on and I may not always like it, but bottom line is I’ve got to trust Him anyway. This week has shown me that once I truly let go and just let Him take the reins, everything else fades into the background. He is so desperately longing to unclutter my mind and occupy my consciousness, if I would only let Him. Every challenge is a hand-tailored blessing designed for my benefit and growth. It's simply one more step in the direction of living differently. I will choose to let Him guide me step by step and stay close to Him—on the path of peace!
