Finding God in my Circumstances

**Warning** --Slightly emo post ahead. :)

I don’t know if it’s a girl thing, a stress thing, or a human thing—or maybe it’s a combination of all—but every now and then, I get a little sad for no apparent reason. Does this happen to anyone else? Your life can be going really great with nothing to complain about, and then all of a sudden—BAM. There is just nothing that can make you happy. You focus on the negative aspects of your life, and start to question everything God has placed before you. Sometimes when this happens, I discover that it’s because things aren’t necessarily going as I planned, and I become confused and exasperated. In my prayers, I find myself asking God impatient questions rather than focusing on thankfulness. And sometimes, I get downright depressed. I will mope around the house for a few days in my own little world of self pity, not knowing when exactly I became so incredibly unhappy with life. The fact of the matter is, my life is pretty darn good. I am healthy, have a great job, nice home, amazing friends, exciting ministry opportunities on the horizon, and the best husband and little boy I could ever ask for. So seriously…why does this happen?  

I am no counselor, psychiatrist or doctor. But I do think this happens to many of us, more often than we like to admit. We live in a fallen world where the media is constantly throwing us news of death, destruction and chaos, and it’s hard to not get sucked into a pit of hopelessness over the future of our families and society in general. We don’t have to watch the news for it to happen, though. For many of us, our own difficult circumstances are enough to make life seem unbearable, whether it is financial struggles, a difficult job, a broken family, health issues or something else that weighs heavy on our hearts. This year, I have decided to attack this head on. Because no matter what obstacles the world throws at me, I have a God who is ever for me. And dude—He is not just for me. With a simple cry out to Him, He parts the heavens and swoops to my rescue, dark clouds under His feet! He mounts the cherubim and flies, soars on the wings of the wind at the sound of my call. Out of the brightness of His presence, clouds advance with hailstones and bolts of lightning. His voice thunders as He shoots his arrows and scatters my enemies; the valleys of the sea are exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at His rebuke, at the blast of breath from His nostrils! (Psalm 18:9-15)

Um, yeah. God is way more than just for me.

I know all that sounds pretty crazy. But I believe David was trying to get it through to us exactly how much God longs to fight for us—for our hearts, minds, emotions, everything. I have a good friend that I meet with on a weekly basis, and we talk about everything. If one of us is having a bad week, day or even moment, we call or text the other right away, before we even have a chance to sink down into the pit of self pity. One dreary day, she reminded me of this fiery passion that God has for me, for all of His children, if we would only let Him into our lives. Alright then...so what do I do to get out of the funk? Prayer doesn’t always bring me immediate peace and understanding the moment I say "Amen." In fact, in moments of grief, frustration, or anger about a situation, it rarely does. She had a great idea for me: Write down the most significant things Jesus has taught me and where I currently see Him working in my life. I groaned, thinking writing a bunch of junk isn’t going to help, but I begrudgingly got out my pen and journal. What happened on the next three pages of my journal did not come from me. Here’s the condensed version:

Most Significant Things Jesus has Taught Me:

1. I am sinful. I need Christ to redeem me every day, need to make Him the focus of my life, or my life will always be about me. 
2.  He longs for my faith to grow. He longs for me to reach out to Him more and step out with boldness for His glory.
3.  Jesus’ love has NO LIMITS. On days when my heart feels absolutely void of Him, His heart is never void of me. He will always be reaching for me with an outstretched hand, waiting for me to grasp it.

Number One Areas Where I See Him Working:

1.  He is breaking me of strongholds. Discontentment with areas of my life, insecurities, fear. He is targeting these bondages, opening my eyes and allowing me to see them for what they are: weights of unnecessary stress that I can be free of through Him and only Him. He longs for me to be free!
2. He is increasing my boldness through brokenness.There is no witness like complete transparency with my sin and struggles, and He is equipping me with the confidence I need to be real with others. 
3. He is teaching me to love people unconditionally. It is one of the biggest steps toward becoming like Him. Love them. No matter how uncomfortable the situation—care, ask, spend time. God will mold me into a whole different person, a woman of God who is compassionate and approachable. This is how I long to be!

I was, and am still, pretty amazed after reading this. There are very few times I can think of where I have written something and felt like God completely took over with His own thoughts, and this was one of them. He needed to tell me a few things, and I certainly heard Him. Loud and clear.

Are you or have you been in an emotional funk lately? Whatever you think the reasons might be, you are not alone. You may be just having a bad day, or you may be physically exhausted. You may be dealing with the baby blues, or you may actually be struggling with serious depression. In the latter case, sometimes a doctor’s opinion is definitely needed. But let me encourage you today. God is ready to fight for you! His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and He will never weaken. He never lets go, and when we have nothing left, He longs to carry us. Remember that there is a mighty plan at work, a mission greater than ourselves that we must strive to see. God’s will is to transform us through our trials, not see us become defeated by them. Will we fall down into a pit of self pity? Or climb out into His brilliant light, experiencing peace and freedom as He works within us?

Hope does not disappoint me, because You, God, have poured out Your love into my heart by the Holy Spirit, whom You have given me. -Romans 5:5

Fashion over Faith?

 
I recently had the amazing privilege of speaking to a large group of girls at a youth retreat at my church on the subject of modesty, and often the lack thereof in many of the popular fashions today. This is an area in my life where God has been transforming my mind in terms of the way I dress and why, and I’m glad I finally had the opportunity to share it. I realize that this can be a touchy subject, so to all you ladies who actually owns one of those Hot Topic micro-minis, please don’t throw your stiletto at me. Because chances are, I’ve owned one just like it!

I’ve talked to many women about this, and every time I do it feels as though I am looking in a mirror. No matter how trendy, sexy or unique we try to be, we generally all long for the same thing—to be noticed.  It’s totally true. For me, it’s like this: I’ve never been classified as one of the “Most Beautiful” girls in school, nor did I really do anything else super spectacular that would earn me more than a 1x1 inch spot in the back of the yearbook. So I would resolve to either dressing as trendy as my mom’s budget would allow me, or just flat out crazy to get attention. I had many phases. They went something like this:

4-5^th grade—fluorescent phase.

6-7^th grade—stonewash and rhinestone shirts phase (*shudder*).

8-10^th grade—grunge and Doc Martens phase.

11-12^th grade—Ralph Lauren phase.

College—cropped shirt and navel ring phase.

After marriage and a kid—whatever I can afford with the money left over from paying for groceries, bills and mortgage phase (I have a feeling this phase will last a while).

So, you get where I’m going with this. And I’ve realized lately that although I am getting older, the longing to still be trendy and sexy remains, and the next thing I know I am counting the days until payday and that two-for-one sale going on at New York and Company. It is a vicious cycle really; the fashion industry is constantly throwing reasons why we need to be dressing a certain way, and we believe them, so we scrounge for money to get the latest and greatest styles. Then when people compliment us on our looks, we love it. Admit it, girls! It’s addictive, those feelings of physical affirmation we get from others. But here’s the thing—what if those styles are hurting us more than helping us? What if we are actually getting the opposite reaction of the one we are looking for? How do we really want to be seen—as a bombshell who can pull anything off? Or a godly woman who refuses to compromise her faith for fashion?

Before God really dealt with me on this, I thought that being a little sexy would always impress those around me, and impressing others made me feel good. I justified it in many ways:

Reason # 1: I bust my tail at the gym. I work hard! Why can’t I show it off a little?

Reason # 2: I am a grown, mature woman. I can wear what I want.

Reason # 3: I’m safe—I’m married. It’s not like I’m looking for someone. It’s for my husband….really!

Reason # 4: It’s summer. It’s hot outside! Everyone’s wearing less. No big deal.

And the big kicker for me….

Reason #5: It’s just a costume. It’s a character I’m portraying. I’m just acting! It’s not real…

I have this natural drive to outdo myself when it comes to anything. For example, with every house my husband and I have ever lived in, I have tried to decorate one more elegantly than the last. Also, I’ve had a great time really experimenting with crazy hair over the past several years, and there’s not much I haven’t done to it yet, other than shaving my head completely (Don’t worry, honey—it ain’t happening). Often times I would view outfits the same way, whether it would be for a convention, party, concert, or heck, sometimes even church functions. It really doesn’t matter where we are going; as women, most of us have a natural urge to dress to impress. If something I wore grabbed some attention last time, you better believe I will try to do it again, but even better. And everyone knows that better often means showing a little more skin—at least if we listen to the fashion industry.

I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I had been living in a constant competition with the women around me. Whether they are my best friends, family, acquaintances, fellow musicians or worship leaders, it seems like I am always comparing myself to others. By nature I always strive to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be, but God has reminded me this past year that I don’t need to show extra skin in order to do that. The fact is, when we put our focus on Christ, it is taken off of ourselves, and we break free from the burden of living up to society’s rules. He replaces that hunger for attention from the world with a hunger for Him and His word. And trust me—His love is more fulfilling than all the compliments in the world!

When God began pressing on my heart about this, He led me to a verse that completely transformed my thinking in terms of my style:

"Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2 NIV

When I read this, I realized that God was gently reminding me that if I would just redirect my thoughts towards Him, He will indeed guide me in my decision-making when it came to what I wear and how it affects others around me. This has caused me to ask myself a few uncomfortable questions, such as, “Why do I feel the need to dress this way?” God convicted my heart right away with His answers, and proceeded to give me many reasons as to why I should shop differently:

Reason #1: I am married, and I don’t wish to arouse the interest of other men.

Reason #2: I have many friends who are guys— some who have girlfriends or are married themselves— and I don’t wish to arouse an unholy interest in them either.

Reason #3: I would like to be an example for my son, so that as he grows up he would strive to seek a woman who is after God’s own heart and not the attention of others.

Reason #4: I would like to be an example to the other women and girls around me, that we can be unique and dress fun without being provocative.

It took me a while, but I have finally realized that other than my beloved husband, the people in my life who love me—whose opinions truly matter to me— are just not impressed with how sexy I can look. Want to know what really does make an impression? Being all in for Christ. It’s a rare woman these days that will not compromise her faith for the sake of being cute and trendy. Believe me when I say this: Christ is the ONLY ONE who can satisfy your need for affirmation, not your friends, family, random folks on Facebook, people in church, in school, or anywhere else. Christ is the only one who can fill your cup to the point where it’s running over and you’re never thirsty again. I have found this to be true, and am glad to say that I have finally given this pressure-to-be-perfect over to Him—the One who made me, who calls me absolutely beautiful. In exchange, He has given me peace, a discerning heart, and a creativity that allows me to be myself while representing Him in all that I say and do.

  

So, all that being said...some of you girls had a few questions for me that we didn't have time to answer, so I thought I would post the answers here in my blog. I hope they are helpful to you!

1. Did you ever wear an outfit you regretted?

Um…yes. Many of you already heard this story, but for those that didn’t, it was at the first Gathering. I wore a little dress that I didn't perceive to be all that short on the rack, however once I was on stage in it jumping up and down and flashing my spanks to 150 people (Doh!), it became very clear that I had made the wrong choice for the occasion. When choosing an outfit now, I ALWAYS consider what I am going to be doing and how much I will be MOVING for that occasion, and therefore avoid many inappropriate wardrobe malfunctions.

2. Who is your favorite designer?

Since I have never been blessed with designer-sized paychecks, I'm afraid to say that I am not really a designer girl. I look for clothes based on their affordable price and how they fit me rather than who made them.

3. What are some of your favorite stores and why?

I like that urban-bohemian type of look, so I tend to shop at places like Buckle, Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie. I have to be smart though, because those stores tend to be expensive and I usually only have so much money to shop. I generally look for shirts and layering pieces that are on sale or on the lower end of the cost scale, and by doing this I find that I often have the budget for an entire outfit. I am a curvy woman who has had a child, so I realize that I can't do the waif-like skinny jeans at any of those stores. For jeans I go to Old Navy or New York and Company, who has cute, trendy skinnys that fit me well and for less than half the price I would find them for in Buckle.

4. How do you pick out your clothing?

When I pick out an outfit, I ask myself several things, such as where I am going? What kind of function/place is it? Will there be guys there? Will I be up high on a stage, or needing to bend over frequently? I have found that I can be so much more relaxed and have more fun when I am not worrying about how my clothes look, or whether or not they are falling off. I try things on and look at every angle to make sure I'm not flashing anything I don't need to be. 

5. Who do you look to for fashion advice?

When I made the decision to start dressing and shopping differently, the first people I began taking notes from were other female worship leaders. I would like to be unique, but not to the point where it is straight up distracting. I began connecting to Women in Worship Network.com and reading articles by Vicky Beeching, Rita Springer and Beth Moore where these issues were being widely discussed in terms of what is appropriate and inappropriate for the stage. For other occasions like work, I often just check out magazines while I’m sitting in the salon. If I see something cute and professional-looking, I may try to find something similar, but make sure it is appropriate for my work environment and job duties.

6. If you're following God's commands, why does it matter what you wear?

Interesting question. Well, let's think about it. What are God's commands in terms of clothing and modesty?  In 1 Timothy 2:9-10, God is about as clear as He can possibly get on this subject:  “And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.” This context relates to public worship, but the principles set the standard for other occasions as well. Now keep in mind, while we as women should not seek to exalt ourselves and satisfy the public with crazy expensive or conspicuous, prideful fashions, that doesn’t mean we have to resort to styles that are plain and outdated. Simply explained, God’s call is that Christians are to be different—distinguishable from the popular culture in how they think and conduct themselves (Matt. 5:16). This truth emerges in the earliest pages of Genesis; Scripture proclaims God’s righteous standards and that He graciously defines limits to our liberty. We are not to just acknowledge a higher standard, but to live to the highest standard—a standard of purity and holiness. Be yourself, dress fun, be an individual! But remember who bought you. Represent Him in all that you say, sing, do, and in all that you wear!

The Path of Peace

Me:  I still don't know why we were spared and they weren't. Makes no sense, and I just hurt for all those people.

Mark C:  For the same reason why if the insurgent was one degree to the left he would have hit my tent...instead he hit the other tent. We both have something else we need to do. Somebody to influence. Somebody to be influenced by. Everything you have done up until this point was for a reason. Every person you have met is a piece of the puzzle of your life that will make up the big picture of the purpose God wants you to fulfill.

In light of all the recent tragic news and events, a good friend of mine reminded me of this. And I really needed to hear it. The past few weeks have held enough tension, destruction, death and grief to send me into a panic attack, which is one problem I can honestly say I’ve never had to deal with before. That is, until now.

Normally if I’m freaking out, I might drop to my knees in prayer, write it out in my journal or talk to a friend to try and make sense of the emotional chaos. None of that helped. So many people in immediate need…yet I am only one person. Prayer just doesn’t seem like enough. Nothing I can do is enough. Then when the news of Bin Laden’s death hit the world, I felt overwhelmed with the strangest mixture of relief, satisfaction, grief, and then ultimately, FEAR. Fear for my family, for our country, for our military. Lots and lots of fear, which drove me to wallowing to the point where my husband was begging me to simply tell him what will bring me out of this funk and he would make it happen. Unfortunately, nothing. I just needed to wallow it out. Fortunately however, God has granted me a perspective that I didn’t quite have before. I may not be able to pull a Superman (or Supergirl) and turn back the clock to save all those people, and I may only have so much time to volunteer and so much money to give. But a little something in me has changed. As I go about my daily routines, I have gained a bit more awareness for, well, life. And the fact that I still have one. And as I embrace it more, I’m realizing that I really want to live it differently than I have been.

At the end of my last post, I reverberated my goal to actually be “all in” for Jesus this year. I’ve been longing to really experience His presence in all of the areas of my life for a change, and have surrendered a few things just knowing that I would receive abundant blessings as a result. And granted I have seen a considerable difference. The opportunities alone that He’s been giving me to glorify Him and share with others has been pretty crazy, and they have caused me to step out in ways that would have terrified me just one year ago. I have come to expect more clarity and confidence in my future as well as the future of my family as I put more trust in Him. Staying consistent with my devotional times and limiting my distractions has brought about more intimacy in my relationship with Him. Patience is still a hard one. Lord knows you don’t want to be anywhere around me if my kid accidentally misses the toilet, or even worse, if I’m battling it out in a boss fight in Final Fantasy 13. It’s worse than an Auburn vs. Alabama football game. Yeah…still working on patience, but it’s getting better.

All that being said, what I didn’t expect was for God to reveal some very interesting things to me about myself that I didn’t necessarily want to know. And let me tell you, there is absolutely no one in this world who can deliver the unconditionally loving—yet brutal—truth to you better than your spouse. This morning, I thought about maybe writing this blog on issues I felt like I may be having with pride. So I asked my wonderful husband if he thought that I came across as a prideful person. His response?

“Not really. You tend to be more self-centered than prideful.”

Ouch.

After I “lovingly” asked him if there were any other flaws he would like to bring to my attention, I fumed all the way to work over his response. And then the light came on.

This week I have been challenged with a situation at work that is requiring me to lay down all of my pride about my workspace. We are moving into a new building in several months which has caused nothing short of a chaotic frenzy as we try and squish four people and most of their office contents into a 20X30 foot space. Challenge is really an understatement. When I realized how messy my world was about to get and how much space I was about to lose, I panicked. I decided to try and reason with my boss to get the space I needed, which only made her feel as though I was defying her position of authority, which only made me mad that she seemed more concerned about being authoritative than being logical. At that point, all reason was out the window, and it became a sheer battle of wills. 

Self-centered.

My needs. My stuff. My space. Me, me, me….right? WRONG! So dead wrong.

One of my recent devotionals has “miraculously” spoken to me in light of this issue. 1 Peter 2:13-17 says:
“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent to him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.”

1 Peter 5:5 calls for us to “clothe ourselves with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 

Well look at that. Ouch again.

Once again, God has presented me with a nice slap-in-the-face style of growth opportunity. It was so easy to view this situation as unfair and complain about it—which I did—instead of letting go and leaving my cares in His able hands. As I was busy trying to reason and make things go according to my will, God was busy transforming me in yet another area that needed some serious work. While I was deifying my desires, He was leading me in a totally different direction. Too bad it took several days and lots of griping for me to finally see it.

My husband has a pretty cool response to questions about why things are happening that we don’t understand: “There is one almighty God and Father, and I am not Him.” Straight and to the point. His thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways. I may not get what’s going on and I may not always like it, but bottom line is I’ve got to trust Him anyway. This week has shown me that once I truly let go and just let Him take the reins, everything else fades into the background. He is so desperately longing to unclutter my mind and occupy my consciousness, if I would only let Him. Every challenge is a hand-tailored blessing designed for my benefit and growth. It's simply one more step in the direction of living differently. I will choose to let Him guide me step by step and stay close to Him—on the path of peace!

Renewed

Welcome to my blog! I'm flattered that you are interested in, well, anything I have to say, especially if you really know me. And if you don't really know me, well...don't be frightened. I'm not all crazy. Really. Only about 60%.

The fact is, God has been doing some pretty incredible things in my life over the past six months or so. He has been sort of reshaping me lately, and filling my mind with whispers of truth that has inspired some pretty powerful music as a result. Hopefully that music will be available to you soon. And hopefully this blog will inspire you as well.

So, there's this thing about me that you should know: I am an obsessor. Don’t get me wrong; I do not have OCD, and I believe there is a difference. To clarify, I really love having a short-term goal. Sometimes I get myself into trouble by having two or three at a time, and before I know it I am in way over my head. It is not uncommon for me to become locked in on one idea, and from that point on it becomes all I can think about until it is accomplished. Unfortunately, with being a wife, mother, student, employee, volunteer and friend, many of my goals never make it. Or they get pushed from short-term to long term and eventually become fleeting dreams that never were.

Sometimes I get into a scary mindset where I decide I am going to make something happen no matter what kind of time, money or sacrifices it takes. My poor husband can attest to this. And the outcome is never good. I may accomplish my goal, but later come to find out that I have missed out on many blessings and opportunities God has given me along the way. Over the past ten years I had eased myself into the “Sunday Christian” pool, where the water is lukewarm and comfortable. Sing pretty in church, and read my bible a little here and there. But whenever God gave me a chance to step out and make a real difference, I always had an excuse not to take it. And of course, if it was not within the telescopic view of my short-term goals, it was not even an option. What I did not realize is that in my determination to complete these goals, I had slowly created a sticky web of self-obsession. No matter how big or small, all of these little “projects” became the source of my occupation. And forget whether or not the project was glorifying to God, or whether or not I am representing Christ with the results. Before I knew it my obsession began to twist my reasoning, and the purpose became to draw attention to myself and my own accomplishment. My primary focus was to impress others rather than my heavenly Father, who ever longs to love and be near to me. 

My goals had become my idols.

September of 2010 marked a significant awakening for me. It was during that time that God placed several precious people in my path who could see that I was in bondage. By this time, Satan had me completely convinced that I was fully justified in my thinking and actions. I was in desperate need of a spiritual renewal, but my vision was so clouded. Missing blessed opportunities was no longer affecting me. God had enough. It took Him yanking away a precious music ministry opportunity and gift that I cherished to open my eyes and remind me that hey— I am His. All that I am, all that I have, all that I do and say—it’s all for Him. He wants all of me, or nothing at all. It’s time to stop making sacrifices so that I will look good and start making them for the sake of His Glory. The choice is mine. Will I be all in? 

In Sarah Young’s devotional “Jesus Calling,” one particular passage hits me like a ton of bricks every time I read it:

“Keep your focus on Me. I have gifted you with amazing freedom, including the ability to choose the focal point of your mind. Only the crown of My creation has such remarkable capability; this is a sign of being made in My image. Let the goal of this day be to bring every thought captive to Me. Whenever your mind wanders, lasso those thoughts and bring them into my presence. In My radiant Light, anxious thoughts shrink and shrivel away. Judgmental thoughts are unmasked as you bask in My unconditional Love. Confused ideas are untangled while you rest in the simplicity of My Peace. I will guard you and keep you in constant Peace, as you focus your mind on Me.” (inspired by Psalm 8:5; Genesis 1:26-27; 2 Corinthians 10:5; Isaiah 26:3)

As I began to purge my life of the distractions that had been occupying my every thought, I began to feel lighter. Happier. I released all these menacing weights into the hands of my Savior, and He gladly took them and accepted me with open arms. See, that’s how AWESOME He really is. He is so ready and willing to love us, to shower us with His peace, but we have to be willing to change our grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust. We can have as much of Him and His peace as we want, through thousands of correct choices each day. The most persistent choice we face is whether to trust Jesus or to worry. But He is our ever-present help in the midst of trouble! We will always have problems and preoccupations in this life, but they shouldn’t become our focus. He is above all these things. As you seek Him in every moment and every situation, He is renewing your mind.  Instead of wearing yourself out with analyzing and planning, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through the day. They will keep you close to Him.

I still face insecurities. God has been placing the most magnificent opportunities in my path lately, but somehow Satan still tries to twist them by making me feel as though I am not good enough. I can’t sing good enough. I’m not good at speaking to crowds of people. Even as I debated on whether or not to write this blog, I could feel the doubt that Satan was whispering into my ear, “But you’re not a writer. You can’t write. Why would anyone listen to you?” However, the worst fear of them all is—I am ordinary. I am not perfectly skinny, I am not a genius or a comedian. I am not the best writer, greatest artist nor am I super athletic. And I certainly cannot sing like Christina Aguilera. Maybe I am just ordinary. But I've realized lately that whether or not that is true in this world, it really doesn’t matter. Because God is going to do extraordinary things through me. There is something truly amazing He’s got planned, and I am ready. I am ALL IN. Are you?

Today I will run and cling to Him, when everything else vies for my attention. The world is desperate to have me, but I am already taken. Chosen. I will run to the One who has crowned me, for His passion for me is smoldering. His jealousy cannot be quenched. He will do whatever it takes to have me, and with three nails and a cross, He did....